Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
