U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
