it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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