I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
