someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
