My hand turned me down
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
