dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
