She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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