Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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