wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
