YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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