I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
