I seem to have left my pride at pride
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
