My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
