1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
