I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
