I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
