fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize