the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
as a side note pls kill me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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