So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
