Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
