Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
