Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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