I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
