She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We left the knife in your bed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
