hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
