Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
