rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
