apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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