Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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