i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
