he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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