People in love make me want to vomit
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
