The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
