Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
