im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
