This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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