That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
