there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize