Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
