the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Jerry, you need to find god
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
