I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
