Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
