I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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