what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
