You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
