why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
