Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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