So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
