I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
