: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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