Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
