he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Randomize
