I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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