i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
