Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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