you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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