MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
