just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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