Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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