two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
