Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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