It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
