I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
