overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
