We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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