Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize