Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
