I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
